There comes a time in someone’s childhood when their favorite word becomes a simple “no”.

And if your toddler is currently going through that phase, then that’s completely normal. Children tend to enjoy defiance because it’s their way of learning how to be independent. By saying “no”, or not agreeing with your order, they’re learning how to be their own person. While that is part of a child’s healthy development, it shouldn’t persist for too long.

Lucky for you, we’ve got some great tips you can use to handle your little one’s defiance:

Give Positive Attention Every Day

Most of the time, children like being defiant because it may be the only way they get attention from you (regardless of whether it’s the good or bad kind!)

The best way to fix that is by giving your child a good dose of positive attention every day. Spend time with them, encourage them to do new things, validate their feelings – do whatever you can to make them feel good. That way, your child will appreciate your efforts and be much less defiant.

Instruct Clearly

Sometimes, the reason your child might be defiant is if they don’t understand a certain task, or find it impossible to do. For example, simply telling your child to “clean their room” will overwhelm them – and so they’ll refuse to cooperate.

A great way to counter that problem is by giving small sets of tasks that they can follow easily. For example, a simple fix for “clean your room” would be first “clear up your toys”, then “put back your books”, and so on. By breaking up a huge job into small instructions, your child will be less likely to act defiant and will do their chores happily.

Give Choices

This method comes in when your child has a terrible habit of being defiant all the time. If they refuse to listen to you, give them two safe choices to pick from. For example, if they are refusing to wear a jacket, ask them to pick from two of their favorite colors. By giving them a choice, you’re giving them a degree of control – or rather, just enough independence, so that they easily listen to you.

Avoid Giving In

As a parent, it’s often to see your child in distress; all you want is to make them happy by giving them whatever they want. However, you have to hold that urge in – because otherwise, they’ll end up becoming defiant for good.

That’s why you can’t give in, even if they get upset. The best way to deal with that is by being prepared; if they do throw a tantrum, tell them calmly – but firmly – that there is no other choice, and that they have to listen to you. Work your way through their tantrum by distracting them with their favorite toy, or their surroundings (adding in a bit of humor also helps!) Make sure your child is not tired, hungry or thirsty beforehand so that you can avoid setting off tantrum alarms too early.

Praise Cooperative Behaviour

Children will make a habit of doing things that make them feel appreciated – that’s why, next time your child listens to your directions, praise them for it!

This is a great way to reinforce good behavior; by praising them for listening to your orders, they will feel a boost of self-confidence and will be encouraged to listen to your advice more. Children can thus learn important people skills like listening, cooperating with others, and following directions.

Another way you can teach such vital life skills is by enrolling your child in daycare. Nurseries in Al Barsha are great at teaching children lessons beyond academics – and Oakfield Early Learning Centre stands out. At Oakfield, practitioners conduct regular group activities, where children get to express themselves and learn how to complete tasks by working with each other. This way, children can learn how to let go of their defiant selves, and be more cooperative.


So the next time you see your child yell “no!”, remember that it’s not forever. If you take the right measures, you will be able to handle defiance like a pro.