Any kind of rivalry between family members can be stressful – and rivalry between siblings happens to be one that is practically inevitable.

Siblings tend to have a consistent love-hate relationship, and during toddlerhood, it is most obvious – more so when it’s your eldest child being annoyed with their youngest sibling, for whatever reason. Although this can be endearing at surface level, it shouldn’t persist for too long.

If your toddlers happen to fight a lot more than smile at each other at home, then there’s definitely something you need to fix. Power struggles, despite being so common, can have serious consequences if they last without resolution. Before the rift between your children grows too large, here is how you can handle such problems among them:

Know When To Intervene

As a parent, you might have the urge to stop any kind of fight before it even gets the chance to spark out of control. Here, we have to break it to you: try your best to not intervene, because it just creates even more problems. Not only does it make your children excessively dependent on you to come save the day, but it also has the potential to worsen any rift between your children; one might think that you favour one over the other. Although that might not be the case, the thought alone can make problems worse.

The idea behind handling power struggles between siblings is giving them the power and control to handle the situation themselves. Once they learn how to handle problems themselves, they will become more willing to solve them themselves.

Therefore, set yourself limits; if your children are bickering here and there, or if they’re poking fun at each other, don’t intervene straight away, but be present. If their banter turns into emotional or physical harm, break the fight immediately.

Get A Short Term Solution

After you have intervened, you can’t hope to come to a proper solution immediately. For now, you have to get a short term fix, just to get your children to calm down.

The best first step is to physically keep the siblings apart; whether it’s a small distance, or in separate rooms, make sure to keep both children away from each others’ spaces. Don’t put the blame on one or the other straight away; let both parties know that fighting never puts anyone in the right position. Distract them straight away by offering them alternatives, such as a toy or game they can play on their own. The main goal on your mind should be to calm both siblings down enough to walk towards a more effective solution.

Resolve The Conflict

Now, we come towards the solution. When resolving conflicts, make sure you keep both children involved during the entire process. Fixing issues yourself might be a quick fix, but it only makes children more dependent on you to solve problems. In order for them to learn how to solve problems on their own, you need to be there to guide them.

First, let each child express their feelings about the situation. This should follow right after each child has taken enough time to calm down. Be sure to be open-minded, and willing to listen to both sides of the situation. The more well-versed each party is about the problem, the sooner will the solution arise.

This is where the problem will start to settle on its own. Make sure that you constantly model fair behaviour; don’t pick sides, and be as logical as possible. An ideal case is a kind of solution that both children agree on; even so, be prepared for a solution that either one of the two will not like.

Even in such a case, don’t make them forcefully agree; instead, make them understand the collective decision. For example, if a conflict arose because of a sibling acting unfairly, let them know that their actions had warranted the scale to be tipped away from them, and that they should be more mindful next time. This way, your child will understand their mistakes, and act better next time.

Preventative Measures: Establish Rules

No matter who is at fault, house rules are what children shouldn’t breach. They help establish a limit siblings must follow no matter what, and inevitably prevent conflicts from going out of control. Such generic rules include no swearing, no hitting, no yelling, and respecting boundaries.

In the extreme case where conflicts do escalate, remind your children to follow the “family rules”. This helps them understand that they’re responsible – and accountable – for their actions, and should hence be more mindful next time. It also eliminates the need to always decide who’s “right” or “wrong” – and encourages the need to come towards a solution.


Handling power struggles at an early age is what helps children navigate through their negative emotional outbursts, and become better at resolving conflicts with others. It makes them more mindful of the magnanimity of their actions, and so act more responsibly in the future. Fortunately, nurseries in Emirates Hills are well aware of this. In fact, Oakfield Early Learning Centre has skilled practitioners who constantly model fair-and-square behaviour when it comes to conflicts and problems. They keep the parents well in the loop, so that they are informed of their child’s behavioural patterns in every step of the way.

Because in the end, power struggles between siblings is something that cannot be controlled. Even so, it definitely can be turned into valuable life lessons for your little ones.