Most adults go through tantrums, but have just learned to control their impulses most of the time. But your little one has had no benefit of years of social disapproval. So, when they want something, they want it now, and often will throw a tantrum if they don’t get it.

What causes tantrums?

There are some clear reasons why children throw tantrums:

Developing communication skills: Your toddler’ vocabulary is just developing. They have not as yet developed the ability to use words for complex emotional feelings.

Children thrive on routine, and a change can really throw them. That means that adding in an extra errand or missing naptime by even 15 minutes can spell disaster. Therefore, at Oakfield Early Learning Centre in JLT, we encourage parents to try and bring their children every day if they can, as this is more reassuring for your child.

Certain places, like busy stores, can be overwhelming. There is nothing more unnerving to a toddler to discover that the trouser leg he is attached to doesn’t belong to daddy!

Children are naturally very curious and are constantly learing that they can do so many things on their own. Unfortunately, your child’s physical prowess doesn’t keep pace with their ambition, and this leads to frustration.

They don’t understand delayed gratification. Little children live in the here and now, not in our cookies-are-for-after-dinner world. Not getting what they want, when they want it, is a top tantrum producer.

They think they’re the center of the universe. In the me-me-me life of a child, no one else’s needs matter as much as theirs. That’s why sharing toys can sometimes be very difficult.

Defusing tantrums

Acknowledge that they are frustrated. Your best first defense is to look your child in the eye and let her know you understand. By saying “I know you want a biscuit,” or even just “I know you’re upset,” you’re telling them you’re there to help them feel better. That might be enough to calm them down so you can add, “I wish we could have biscuits, too. It’s a pity we can’t right now.”

Be silly

Laughter can be a great tantrum buster. If your child starts to pitch a fit about getting into the bath, try singing a goofy song or anything to make him giggle.

Distractions work well

Give them something else to think about. Try saying, “Let’s finish shopping by picking out bananas together.” Or if it’s time to leave the park, but they don’t want to try saying, “How many dogs do you think we’ll see on the drive home?”

Ignore it

Sometimes, tantrums escalate because your child thinks she’ll get what she wants if she screams loud enough. If you don’t react, she may give up.

Leave the scene

When all else fails walk away or leave the room. Do it without making a fuss, you’ll be modeling calm behaviour. It may be inconvenient, but it shows who’s in control: you.